Kun's blog.

Skateboarding is what both of us shared. I always knew you're that one friend who knew me inside out.

2011-11-25T18:33:00.002+08:00

Skateboarding is what both of us shared. I always knew you're that one friend who knew me inside out.

Right , we both can relate through skateboarding but did you know skateboarding makes me so tired.
I mean I don't really skate and I pick up skateboarding just because of you , which I lose the real me and always appear in the fake me right infront of you.
Let me ask you would you appear infront of the one you love in the real you , or the fake you which you hide behind the so called '' mask ''.
The answer is obvious isn't it ?
Of course is the real you , that's what I wanted to do.

As all of my closed one knows that I took up skateboarding because of you and some of them even ask me isit worth it.

I only reply them this , For you is worth it.

You may say I am stupid / dumb and also might not think about how you feel.
I did each time I tried to relate by stepping inside your shoes but do you know how I feel , have you try.
Like appearing in the fake you infront of the one you love, have you?

I am really tired of it , that's why I tell you the fact that time you message me asking me to skate right after your own.

And I fake the giving away my board just to see if you really love me for who I really am and not who I am when I am with you.

Right after that we stopped texting , awhile later you posted on Facebook.

Saying thanks for giving me away , do you have any idea how those word hurts.
I may be a guy and guy do cry sometime !
I also have feeling.

What I am trying to point out in this whole thing is

If you can accept me for who I am without skateboarding I don't find a point for us to behave like this.
Passing remarks of facebook wall , but not saying each other name.
Yet its directly at the person.

And remember no matter how harsh reality or things become , I will still be here for you if you need a shoulder to lean on / or a ear to rant about your problems.

2011-11-04T12:39:00.000+08:00

Short update , its been quite awhile since I update LOL.

Was kinda too busy with school and rarely have the time to update.
And this year my class is also the first batch to get a practical test, so I must concentrate more. Well , yeah.
Basically concentrate more on studies.

Will update soon again, ciao ! (:

Anyone got job to intro ? :l

2011-09-16T00:24:00.001+08:00

Anyone got job to intro ? :l

Answer here

formspring.me

2011-07-29T00:42:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything :> ! http://formspring.me/Emptylnside

formspring.me

2011-07-27T00:25:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything :> http://formspring.me/Emptylnside

2011-03-20T15:24:00.000+08:00

What I feel is pain do you guys understand or feel it ?
What I want wasn't a life like this but something which I called Love.
Is it so hard , yet my heart hurts so much ):
Even though my close ones are showing me Love or Care for me.
Is my heart dead ?

我觉得你们做的是痛苦的理解或感受呢？
我想不是这样的生活，但一些东西，我叫爱情。
这么难，但我的心这么难受）：
即使我身边的人都对我的爱我展示或护理。
我的心死了吗？

2011-03-08T21:58:00.000+08:00

I can't stand in anymore , why does people always talk like they know me from inside out while they don't ! I really can't stand it , I really can't , why is all the bad things happening to me only.
I really don't know what to say right now, even my heart can tolerate it anymore.
Its feeling so heavy , as if its trembling in fear screaming in agony.
Sometime I really wish I could scream my lungs out and forget all these, yet it would never happen.
What I really want is someone to be my ears and listen. Someone who understand me , I really can't take it. The worst part is that it always happen in the family.
The cause is always about money , why ?
I really hate quarreling with my parents cause of money issues, I know they care but why?
Why do they talk like this to me ! They talk without even knowing how I would feel , seriously fuckmylife !
Even if hearing a whisper from someone right now telling me that - its okay, to cry your heart out believe me I would.
I really can't handle all this things , really really much !
It hurts so bad ! Why ?!
Even though I feel like self harming right now to cool down , can I ?
I really really can't take it , how I wish someone would literally talk to my parents and telling them beside me from speaking to them face to face.
I am always putting a strong front while deep inside , I am screaming in agony.
I really really can't take it anymore, I feel like dying. Can I just die ? )':

2011-02-15T11:54:00.000+08:00

Such sorrow, such pain
What am I to you exactly.

The sorrow the pain, do you feel it. I bet you don't.
Even if it hurts, I still would keep my cool and laugh it off as some sort of joke.

To prevent myself from getting hurt.
Yet again I lost myself for someone who I liked.
And this is what I get in return , is this what I really wanted?
No!

This is no place to live my life.

2011-02-06T18:21:00.000+08:00

Sometime I really do wonder what on earth my mind is thinking.
Its like a maze , as in a maze without an end.
During certain time my parents would buy things for me yet, its not my type but I still say yes.
Not wanting them to be sad or anything but after that I always would feel this sharp and unbearable pain in this heart of mine. Why is that so?
I really need a answer , I really do.

Even its a new year I promised myself not to be sad or what.
I am still, I failed I am useless.
Everything isn't right , I am such a failure

Sometime I really wish that I could end my life.
Sigh, how I wish someone would know how I feel.

Its miserable.

2011-02-06T12:39:00.003+08:00

My feelings for you.

You might say I am dumb or what.
Or rather being paranoid over and over again but bare this in mind.
Everything happen for a reason.

The only main reason I wanted to tell you is that I love you too much.

And I am sorry for being selfish even though you told me about all your problems.
I won't tell you mine, as I don't like to see you getting worried for me
I don't like to see you getting worried or sad just cause of me.
Is not that I don't trust you the problems lies with me myself. I don't like seeing my love ones getting worried for me again and again. I just want them to smile more than me do. Even if its sacrificing my own happiness and exchange with their sorrows.

Back to the point why I am so sad. I would tell you. Every bits of it.
Just every simple things you do affect me , if you noticed.
From the first time I liked you , I got hurt just from the words you said. Now I am telling you, its not your fault its mine. For being so dan chun in all this things.

I don't even know what the hell is wrong with me , I just a nobody to you.
I can't do anything right , I am not perfect for you.

And I really hope that I could take care of you with my heart I guess I can't since you got someone in your mind already. I won't be that great or perfect to take over that place of his.
I may be dumb writing all this but give me a tight slap if you think I am really dumb or scold the fuck outta me.

My feelings are wired yet is true for you as my heart does.
You probably think I am just some emotional guy from the first time you met me as all the things I said.
My confidence are like liquids easy spilled over. I have low self esteems.
I got hurt easily , I know I am weak , Laugh it if you want to. From my past relationship I am always useless toyed , as an substitute dummy toy.
I always laugh it off as a joke. Do you really know how do it feel , the feeling of being toyed.
Even though I am a guy , I do still cry @ times. Sounds girly right?
The fact is my heart hurts so much that my tears would normally crash down anytime when it can take or tolerate the pain that its enduring.

A song for you

Simple Plan - Welcome to my life

2011-02-06T12:07:00.004+08:00

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever want to run away?

Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
You feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding


No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
You feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work
It was always there
You don't know what it's like

What it's like

To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
You feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
You feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

2011-02-02T23:43:00.000+08:00

You're an angel, I'm a devil
But we'll meet somewhere in between.
Heaven, Hell, or the bedroom,
I'll take you away from everything.
You're a dream and I'm a nightmare
But we'll meet somewhere in between.
Your sheets, your covers, and the headboard.
I'll be a king if you are a queen.

I just fell in love for the first time,
Watch as I move myself up off the ground.
In the dark I'm so far from the spotlight,
Can You see me now?

I turn my back
And walk away, away from the pain.
Screaming loud,
Drowning out from the sound of the rain
Listen up,
I've had enough of all this waiting.
I need you more right now than I ever did.

You're the minutes, I'm the hours.
But we'll meet somewhere in between.
Never, now, or too soon,
I say we meet at a quarter till three.

I just fell in love for the first time,
Watch as I move myself up off the ground.
In the dark I'm so far from the spotlight,
Can You see me now?

I turn my back
And walk away, away from the pain.
Screaming loud,
Drowning out from the sound of the rain
Listen up,
I've had enough of all this waiting.
I need you more right now than I ever did.

I turn my back
And walk away, away from the pain.
Screaming loud,
Drowning out from the sound of the rain
Listen up,
I've had enough of all this waiting.
I need you more right now than I ever did.

2011-02-02T23:20:00.000+08:00

I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I wish that I could take it all away [the pain that you had to endure]
And also be the one who catches all your tears

I might not be a perfect person
But I am alright with the imperfect me.

2011-02-02T23:16:00.000+08:00

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything is nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go
I've come to an end

I want you to know
I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything is nothing without you

2011-02-02T23:12:00.000+08:00

11:11pm

I wish during valentines day , I would have the courage to tell you what
I think about you and ask you this - would you be mine -

2011-02-02T23:10:00.000+08:00

My hands shake cause today,
I know you're gonna break my heart and,
My life without you in it, is a life that's not worth living.
Here i stand, all alone tonight and I wish I was strong enough to breathe
Without you, in my life, I wish i was anyone but me.
I'll be strong but I wish I was someone else, anyone but me tonight.

2011-02-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

Ive been right here for oh so long now
I cant be right here.
I'm on my own and its all gone wrong,
Now I can't be right here.

Remember the taste of anxiety, also the bitter air that poisoned me.
Why cant i be right here next to you?

If you here with me right now
then i would tell you
why i said all the things i said

If i could just say all the things that i want to do
to let you know that your real to me, and i cant
stand to be without you right now.

2011-02-02T22:46:00.000+08:00

Sick and tired of this world
There's no more air
Tripping over myself
Going nowhere
Waiting
Suffocating
No direction
And I took a dive

And on the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget

I've been wondering why
It's only me
Have you always been inside
Waiting to breathe

You're all I wanted
You're all I needed

Post to ease my mind.

2011-02-02T17:17:00.000+08:00

As you all know , This year I won't be celebrating Valentines day alone. Thats a good thing.
Yet during certain time I still do feel kind of uneasy, I have no idea why is that so.
Is it because I am being paranoid much? I don't even know , how to describe this kind of feeling.

Its like :
1. Uneasy.
2. Heart ache.
3. Afraid of getting hurt again. (even though, I am a guy) *I will explain, why*
4. Worried for my loved one.

- Uneasy
As in my feelings are all so wired , I can't even control it. It just boom like a ticking time bomb without me noticing it. In the end that's what I called a sudden mood swing, which most probably I would start sigh ing thru out the day. Yet with my loved ones, I would keep those sigh ing to myself.

- Heart ache
It do sound effin gay when its from a guy isn't it? Think what you want then. I suffer a major heart ache once.
And I do still feel the pain. My story was like this. Once I put 1oo% in r/s ended up in return I got a major heart break. Now the pain is still there , slowly healing as time pass.

- Afraid of getting hurt
What I feared the most in my life. After the major heart break as stated above. I had a big major change in my character also my personality too. This is who I am and what I become after that incident. Emotional yet my friendly side is still here. Being hurt again and again was defiantly not a nice feeling. I just fall deeper and deeper each time, falling right into the darkness. The dull and scary darkness, where emotions takes over me and I don't even have the strength to control it , turn out that emotions are the one controlling me.

- Worried for my loved one
During certain time there would always be this cold message that you send me.
I would normally reply : Are you okay?
Most common replies I get back would be - yeah, yes or don't worry, I am fine.
But in my heart I know you are not. I am not stupid.
I do care , I really do , even its just simply the slightest thing that made you unhappy.
I am willing to be your ears / your shoulder for you to lean on. Would you trust me?
I would be here 24/7 if you need someone to talk to but would you talk to me about your problems?
Rather than being a soda pop, like the old me. Which is also another painful experience, keeping all the problems to yourself without talking to anyone. Eventually breaking down in tears.
I even would drop everything down and get to you when you need me

Sometime I really do wanna know what are you thinking in your mind.
So I could understand you , would you let me?
Do you feel the same way as I do about you.
Let me step into your world , would you trust me with your world your heart too.
As promised I will protect it from getting damaged or hurt again even if its facing death itself , resulting a lost of one life. That would be mine to be exact , just seeing you smiling and living happily. I myself would have no regrets on sacrificing my life in exchange just for your happiness. If words are nothing to you, believe me if times really comes. As I must die just for you to be happy and I in exchange I will take all your sorrow with me till I die , I would do it. Just to see you smile wonderfully again but not the fake smile of yours.

would you trust me ?

- yes / no -

Inside this revolving planet, I look up at the starry night sky
Only to see you, the one and only. My last romance :*

formspring.me

2011-01-11T14:50:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Emptylnside

SAY OKAY BUT NEVER ASK.

2011-01-09T23:15:00.001+08:00

i rarely on formspring, since i dont get much questions o_o

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2011-01-09T14:11:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Emptylnside

Hi ask me questions please Dx

2011-01-09T14:10:00.001+08:00

okay O_O !

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2011-01-02T20:43:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Emptylnside

formspring.me

2011-01-01T15:20:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Emptylnside

formspring.me

2010-12-31T13:30:00.003+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Emptylnside

formspring.me

2010-12-31T13:30:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Emptylnside

formspring.me

2010-12-31T13:29:00.005+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Emptylnside

formspring.me

2010-12-31T13:29:00.003+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Emptylnside

Do you have any scars on your body? If so, how'd you get them?

2010-12-31T13:29:00.001+08:00

Scars on body, yes. Bicycle and fights.

Ask me anything

What's the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?

2010-12-31T13:28:00.001+08:00

Comforting and be there for me when I am feeling moody and needed someone ears.

Ask me anything

Chocolate or Vanilla?

2010-12-31T13:27:00.001+08:00

Chocolate , they are my favorite!

Ask me anything

Who's the most overrated athlete?

2010-12-31T13:26:00.003+08:00

Not quite into athlete stuffs.

Ask me anything

What was your favorite birthday gift?

2010-12-31T13:26:00.001+08:00

I didn't really receive any birthday gifts before.

Ask me anything

why do u want to stop to skate

2010-12-31T13:25:00.001+08:00

Unmotivated , lost of interest, and no matter what i do is not right. Its no the real me is just the fake me who are always there. The real me is always hiding behind a mask.
Changing for somebody and losing the real me its too scary for me. All i did was trying to get someone's attention , yet i end up losing myself. Not acting like me but the one that the someone likes and whom always will look at. So near , yet so far. That's why i stop skating.

Ask me anything

What would your perfect day look like?

2010-12-31T12:14:00.001+08:00

What would your perfect day look like?

Answer here

What would your perfect day look like?

2010-12-31T12:07:00.001+08:00

Peace , no negative remarks or insults and absolutely no mood swings

Ask me anything

Words which I always wanted to say , yet a song would be there for me.

2010-12-12T15:29:00.000+08:00

I don't need "I love you" anymore
If only you'd stay forever by my side
I want to be broken by you
Who exhausted your voice by crying

All the words from the beginning to the end were said to you
So that you won't let go of these arms
The same dream that stood by our side washed us both away

The small lies change their shapes and dissolve into a white breath of air
So that we won't forget the meaning of losing each other　It doesn't matter how many times it has to be carved into my heart

I leave this "goodbye" right here and move forward
I won't lose you once again

So that we can assure ourselves of our love we both had to see sorrow
Even if we both end up vanishing tomorrow　It's okay to not cry anymore

Someday we will change into two people that pass like the seasons
Even if there will be nights when you will be frozen from sadness
Don't forget

Nothing will ever end

In a deep dream

Credits : the GazettE - Pledge

2010-11-29T23:51:00.000+08:00

I just want my life back !
Like other normal people, free of insults from friends whom are close to me.
whom i used to call ' friends '
Are always insulting me are my classmates and others whom i hanged out with.

2010-10-15T14:36:00.010+08:00

DON'T TALK LIKE YOU KNOW ME FROM INSIDE OUT

Once dead it will always stay dead , never gonna be alive again ....

Many times, I cut in front of the night and searched for the future.
In the future where I feel so faint and astounded
I yearned for love, loved so deeply, became lonely, suffered, became sad,
I couldn't see, and the moment I flickered my eye, right now for an instance it's slow motion
Only words I didn’t want to add seem to come out
I’m sorry, thank you, goodbye,

Tears of glass
They attach to my open wounds
Ah, that’s it. I’m such a person.
Before meeting you, I hated myself

Everybody's got their problems
Everybody says the same things to you
It's just a matter how you solve them
Knowing endless consequences
I feel so useless in this
Get back, step back, and as for me,
I can't believe.
Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure

- Sick and tired of this world
- There's no more air
- Tripping over myself
- Goin' nowhere
- Waiting
- Suffocating
- No direction

You think you see the world well you see nothing
Time is only gonna make it worse in the end
So I'll say goodbye again

Thanks Jess Jie / Darryl Di for everything.

Bye....

JOHN - LM.C

2010-09-29T21:55:00.003+08:00

Everyone tells me I'm boring.
But, I'm not going to deny it, because I know why.
I have a comic-like face with glasses and a bow tie.
I'm little. I'm selfish. I'm pessimistic.
And on top of that, I'm a crybaby.
However,
It's just because nobody knows anything about the real me.
But it would be great if they did.
I would warp to a dream world in.90 seconds
And win the gold medal for the fastest nap.

It doesn't matter if I lose.
Everybody is unsuccessful the first time.
The chance of tripping gracefully is slim.
So when I do, I will hurt again.

Even in a peaceful world, there are bad days.
Someone is always crying somewhere.
If I could honestly say things like "thanks" and "sorry",
I could see your smiling face better today than yesterday.
The worst scenarios always seem to come during the vital times.
So rather than searching for the next one;
Let's try to reach the continuation of the dream,
We wrote in secret to our teacher.

But the bitter return doesn't matter.
Everybody is unsuccessful the first time.
So more than yesterday, today, and even more tomorrow,
We will move a little closer to our goal.

Whistle and snap your fingers
To the tune of a new melody.

It doesn't matter if I lose.
Everybody is unsuccessful the first time.
The chance of tripping gracefully is slim.
Still, I'm able to become a bit stronger.

Song Title : JOHN / Song Artist : LM.C

2010-09-16T20:24:00.000+08:00

Today was misery
And I just can't believe this happened
And I finally broke down
She held onto my heart
But now my only star is falling
Its burning to the ground

Now I'm crying out

Secret love, my escape
Take me far far away
Secret love, are you there
Will you answer my prayer
Please take me anywhere but here
Anywhere but here

2010-09-16T19:51:00.000+08:00

What if what I want makes you sad at me
And is it all my fault or can I fix it please
Cause you know that I'm always all for you

Guitar Advise by Sliver Mercury

2010-09-15T10:44:00.000+08:00

Guitar advice - Work on fluidity in both chords and notes. Keep running through licks and find the most efficient fingering style for you to ensure smooth and fluid playing. The #1 most dreadful thing to hear for beginners learning guitar (especially with distortion on) is choppy notes/chords that are separated by the sound of opened strings.

Subscribe to him ~ http://www.youtube.com/user/xsilvermercuryx

2010-09-13T19:51:00.002+08:00

2010-08-17T14:58:00.002+08:00

Why won't people stop judging each others just from the way they look or behave?
Can't they just shut the fuck up?!
They just judge without knowing the person deep enough to be exact they just know the person for one to two years and they rarely talk together?
Does that mean that he/she have the rights to judge?
FUCK IT!
I mean please drink some brain juice for fuck sake , I was born like this!
Accept the way I am and stop judging don't you think its stupid?
Judging someone when you don't even get to talk to during class and etc?
Addition the only time when you can interact with that person is during recess for how he/she behave that time you judge them?
Seriously please!
Only Start judging other people when you yourself think you are perfect enough and have the rights to judge others!
Many people have different types of personality some even have split personality.
Others use a 'mask' to hide their true identity and personality from others.
- Don't judge a book just by its cover -
I hide things from others!
What I don't want them to see are the things that I will just keep it to myself.
The Agony , Anger , Hatred
The things which cause me to be like this are mostly people who are always around me!
The judge and talk without knowing how I would feel, the negative comments not even one is positive!
Do you know how does it to feel like when you are in that situation yourself!
Ask yourself this what do he/she do to deserve your nasty and negative remarks?
We are all humans not ROBOTS!
We all have feelings!
You might think its fun to disturb or talk being someone back or even saying nasty and negative comments about them but you might never know when it is your turn?
They might even lose control of their temper and seek revenge!
In certain cases it exceed what that person actually wanted it was just a ordinary revenge but it ended up in becoming a case of murder!
The reason is simple the anger and the hatred for what you did to them will eventually come back and hurt them.
Above all their mind will start to think about any way in order to get revenge or to inflict the pain back to as what you have done to them.
When one cannot control its anger anymore it eventually turns into rage, rage will consume one's mind and the ending will be unimaginable!
MY ANGER!
THERE IS A LIMIT TO EVERYTHING !
Heart status : Tormented by the thorns of ' HATRED, ANGER, UNWANTED NEGATIVE REMARKS MAKE BY THE OTHERS '
Sometime I really feel like ending my life, that is why I choose to do crazy things which i would harm or injure myself
No one really understands how the way i feel , really !
I can't take it ANYMORE!
My heart is sinking deeper and its getting heavier each time with those negative feelings and remarks from others!
Which simply pierce through my heart the pain and the suffering that I endure all alone.
There is no one that i can turn to when need a listening ear and talk to someone in order to feel better
My friends some are there some are not!
The one which cared for me are the ones which hurt me the most and sometime I only exist when they need me!
I guess I will just die alone the misery, the pain, everything!
Misery the only thing which accompany me when I am feeling hurt!
Misery at its best!
I don't need your FORGIVENESS!
I don't need your HATE!
I don't need
your ACCEPTANCE!
So what should I do?
should I just PUNCH you right in the FACE?
BAM! You're Dead!
WHY WON'T YOU JUST SHUT F*CK UP AND DIE!
- I WISH I COULD KILL YOU RIGHT NOW -

I am Emotional so? Don't like the way I behave then why in the first place you still want to be friends with me?

2010-08-01T11:54:00.000+08:00

After skating yesterday with Zhi Yong ! :D
Just a small update, I won't be able to update my blog as often as i do due to AEP classes which i have right after school and my prelims and N Levels are coming.
So yah, probably after all that I might be able to update my blog regularly :D !

2010-07-02T15:10:00.001+08:00

UPDATED ~ NOT >:D

what music can do!

2010-06-23T13:03:00.003+08:00

Song are used to express one's feeling when words/actions can get through one's mind :|

Using songs to express yourself when no one is there to listen to you, the song doesn't have to be nice but song with deep meanings are just awesome in a way! The alternate way which many people use to express their feelings clearly is through songs! :|

Stop judging from the way we behave people! The songs we listen! Are a part of our daily life our escape to the other world! Where we find peace and where we relax/calm ourselves and is the only escape from the cruel society!
Composing songs with deep emotions are also a way that we tried to express ourselves
To be exact songs with deep meanings are mostly talking about the singer's life its the way they want to express themselves through music and tell others about how they feel!

Those | Hates | that are so powerful that make one forget the feeling of being love!

~ Music saves my soul ~

2010-06-06T21:34:00.002+08:00

Hai guys
its been a long time er not long be more specific its been a really really long time since I update my blog.
Feeling quite moody/sad right now for some reason.
I don't really know why but perhaps its just me being paranoid thinking about things which really isn't true.
I mean its like my nature I'm always thinking cause I care much?
Sigh , really need someone to talk to now.
Texting my bro[Darryl] at the moment talking about parents.
Basically most of us thinks that parents don't really understand us, I don't know but at certain point they can be really irritating like nagging at you non-stop.
Just like a M14 Rifle shoot non-stop.
I mean f*ck it ! Can't you guys let us have a moment of PEACE?
Sometimes it gets really annoying for example when you are not in the mood and you might burst to rage anytime you parents come in and nag at you.
When that happen you tend to rebel and ended up quarreling then they scold you without knowing the situation.
What I trying to say its not really their fault.
Just that you must talk to them not like me always keeping things to myself.
I might go 'Ka Boom' anytime as in break down like cry?
Most people always say guys can't cry , I mean why ?
But when a guy cry what does it means ? Whats the reason behind it making that guy cry.
I mean for me is just my emotions and lots of things.
I'm not gay I mean people cry right ?
We are humans!
Not monsters ! Accept some, like figuring out which you are?
Finding your true self.
Really sometime I really felt like a monster like my rage consume me?
Making me having the thirst to kill? I'm not lying!
That's how I feel usually when someone make me feel so f*cked up to that certain limit till I go killing but on certain times I keep it all inside myself.
Be glad that you guys who pissed me off are still alive cause the only reason I haven't killed you is because it's illegal!
Get it ?
Listening to the song Monster by Skillet now while typing out this post.
Do you guys usually laugh when you are in pain?
I do. I usually laugh at some silly stuff people do but deep down I'm feeling very pain. A pain that is unbearable that it can kill and change my mood instantly to be exact a mood swing.
I really really don't know why.
Feels so alone.
AHHHHHHHHHH ! My eyes are getting quite teary and my heart is feeling quite heavy.
Sigh, My life is so ...

2010-04-21T22:12:00.004+08:00

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAPPPPP !
okay guys i am finally updating my blog again.
*OH MY GAH ITS A MIRACLE*
wtf no its not a miracle just that my gan nagged me to post something about her :X
don't wack me ah!
okay, for the pass few weeks/days she have been chatting with me through phone and msn.
And one thing which i want to say to her!
CONGRATULATIONS YOUR COM HAVE BEEN REVIVED LOL ! :D
now chatting with her on msn when she is now saying : kuaiidian [faster]
she requested to post her pic BIG BIG ON THIS particular post?
okay, must be guai should listen or i will get spanking.
sorry my post quite a lot of emotions since she wanted a long long post.
Btw when chatting with her i sometimes do share some of my personal problems with her
haha and i always disturb her :x
damn i don't know what to write/type anymore
i just typed what flow through my mind currently ?
funny ? :D
lets laugh, posting this while listen to taeyang's wedding dress
its one of my favourite songs :D
okay now to post her pic !
since i'm going to end this post.
for your info she is cute and friendly but she bite when you provoke her :D
her pics :

don't angry later zou wen D:

2010-04-07T19:47:00.005+08:00

okay long time since my blog have been updated.
the reason i updated is for someone which i can't let go off ?
i mean i promise her that i will pay much attention to her but it ended up nothing like the promise turned out to be a joke to her ?
i mean i dint want the promise to end up like this !
during that time after one of my friend's chalet i totally changed , can't really accept the fact.
i mean at first i thought she was attached but after awhile my friend told me she is not , i was like shock to the max!
but why ? i mean they seems to be so close.
during that time i mia ed cause of that need to stable my emotions and mind.
the time i spend during the chalet are rather quite painful always cause i have to see her with another guy and i can't do anything about it.
i remember when i was asleep she helped me like put the blanket for me , i suppose to be happy right but ended up i feel angry !
jealousy perhaps ?
my mind was like ' you already have him and why do you still care about me , leave me alone go be with him ' and i wished her to be happy with him even thought i don't really like it .
i mean i have to face reality right ?
i can't always run away from it ?
but after awhile i think of the things which i did/do its too late to regret since in your mind i'm always like the useless one
only can say it out with big words but no actions [pathetic right?]
if only you could see/read this you might know how i feel all those things which i did are caused by the jealousy that i have.
dam i sound like a jerk.
i mean i really did realize what i did was wrong but its too late to change.
you wouldn't give someone like me a second chance.
due to the fact i'm too emotional and weird as all of my friends always describe me and without knowing how i feel.
i might take it well but deep inside its not the same , feeling angry and hating you!
why must you say such things ?
do you even know how i feel ?
it's not a nice feeling do you guys know that ?
i mean it really !
i hate it !
wish someone or somebody can understand me.
jealousy was the thing that made me changed dramatically.
like avoiding you , when ever i see/heard you i feel the pain inside.
guess i really missed you too much.
but i know you won't come back to me but i will wait.
you might call me stupid/fool its up to what you want to call me.
i feel guilty you know that ?
the guilty feeling changed me .
GUILTY is the only thing that is pulling me down , drowning in my own misery
only able to see my love one walking away with another again and again.
the unstoppable agony that continue without ending.
i mean i once promise you that no matter what you do i will always be by your side i mean it .
but i'm unable to prove it.
due to the fact i can't face you cause of the guilt i'm holding on to.
i'm really sorry ! really really sorry !
if after reading this you might feel freak out ?
feel free to avoid me as you wish and hate me , if you don't wish to forgive me i won't ask.
since after all those things i did and i know its hard to forgive and forget.

~ alone in my room staring at the night sky thinking about you. ~

Update just for the fun of it :D

2010-02-17T22:14:00.002+08:00

Title : What can i say
Artist : Dead by April

I try to be all that you need
Try not ever let you down
still I can see it in your eyes
Not good enough

This time I believed that I really could change
I gave it all
This time I really gave my everything.
I guess I was wrong
I guess I was wrong

What can I say, What can I do
This is who I am and I am hurting you
What can I say, what can I do
No matter how strong my feelings are
I always end up hurting you

I always end up hurting you
I'm hurting you

I try hard only to be here
You always wanted in life
Still I just bring you misery
What did I do

This time I believed in you were mine
When I gave it all
This time I can see it all perfectly,
I guess I was wrong
I guess I was wrong

What can I say, what can I do
This is who I am and I am hurting you
What can I say, what can I do
No matter how strong my feelings are
I always end up hurting you
I always end up hurting you

Without you I keep crying
With you I am just hurting you

Without you I am dying
With you I am tearing your heart

Without you I am crying
Without you I am dying

What can I say, What can I do
This is who I am and I'm hurting you
What can I say, what can I do
No matter how strong my feelings are
I always end up hurting you
I always end up hurting you
I always end up hurting you

I'm hurting you

2010-02-02T20:45:00.003+08:00

sorry took so long to update my blog.
*my phone is not with me currently (:
One of my gans ran away from home and currently i'm feeling quite uneasy and worry for her.
updating blog just for fun ? Its not for fun actually but post/update just to kill time ? yeah lets go with that ' post/update just to kill time '

when you are not around - I always feel uneasy and empty
when you are far away from me - I can only just imagine that you are beside me
when you run/ran away - no matter what/what happen , i will find you ! [i don't want to lose you]

although most of my friends said this to me -
many people say your attitude are good but your personality is just too weird.
i already know that i'm weird but how can i change ?
i don't even know how can i change , there's always this phrase which i think of it - everyone is unique in their own ways?

guess that i don't have any chances anymore , i think i should just forget about it.
but i can't seem to forget about it cause in my world there's only you.
friends talk to me and told me :
you are good but you are weird
na de qi , fang de xia < pinyin
all the things i type might appear to be crap to some people since they asked/told me to
1.give up and not to think about too much
2.thinking to much about those things kills your brain ?
3.there will be no future ?
4.cherish before its too late ?
should i give up ? i think i will, since i already leave such a lousy impression of me in her memories ):
*i should not think so much right now!*
but i cant the only thing in my mind is her, i don't know why but when she left me my mind/life just went poof.
i lost my directions and my moods to do what ever i like , like i totally change to a different person.
only my close ones can see that, perhaps its the time that we always spend together that why they can spot it.
still thinking about her, i cant get her off my mind like i used to do .
probably if she comes visit and read this post she might think i'm kind of like some freak ?
slowly began avoiding me ? guess i might just keep my distance away from her ?
~ shouts ~
ah ! i just cant do it !
sadded .
i think i might stop the post for now might update more tomorrow.
don't seem to have the courage to told you how i feel.
although i can act like i'm fine but i'm not (:
i don't like people worrying about me
its feeling pain on the inside x_x

2010-01-20T17:31:00.003+08:00

Nothing much, just blogged in order to keep my blog ' fresh and healthy ' :x
just a regular post.
got scolded by 'someone' during lesson which make me feel quite unpleasent.
end up ft[form teacher] come to to me about my problems ~
which i ended up lying to him, sorry but i cant tell you the truth.
accompany xunhao and dion right after school , cause they got detention.
for your info they got detention for 3days and today is the first day.
they must stay at school till 5pm thats their punishment.
what punishment ? cause they never bring their books :/
anyway i just reach home, accompany dion home ? to his grandma house .
talked about some things - specfic information [cant share] :P

And to all my friends ,
Life is the most hardest and the most painful game to play.
if you need someone/somebody to talk to you can text/call me (:
phone online status: 24/7 online !

2010-01-19T14:21:00.002+08:00

just blogged about what i feel :/
just normal thing at school but during maths class slept for awhile due to the weather.
After school waited for junjie just right outside th detention room ?
I feel quite weird that time ?
when i was outside at the backgate looking at how my friends.
i feel kinda [a feeling that i cant describle].
that feeling made me think alot.
like am i trying to fit in with them ?
since they dont really accept me why am i still trying to fit in ?
i feel dumb and stupid.
after thinking about all those thing , i already reached kfc.
where they want to have their lunch, i feel quite weird ?
so i just bomb ed some dumb reason to them, saying i'm having headache when i'm not .
i dont know why but after each step i take i keep sigh ing .
so weird , even now ?
i just want to know why ?
why am i sigh ing and why am i trying to fit in?
am i feeling neglected/lonely ?
i just need a answer .
wonder where/who can tell/find my answer ?
should i try talking to someone about my feelings ?
plus this year is also my final year in secondary school and i cant let all this emotions to get in my way !
dam, i mma just exercise to get my things of things .
cya guys !
will update soon :D

something which make sense

2010-01-11T21:26:00.002+08:00

hey guys , sorry that i took so long to update my blog.

something which make sense :/
cause i just watched the channel 8 , the show wake me up from dream world.

when you guys think that you are the only ones who are miserable?
think about the others!

dont always think about yourself spare a thought for the others too!

thats all :D

got send home :x

2010-01-06T09:44:00.002+08:00

hey guys
i got send home today and its just the 3rd day of my school cause of my hair colour.
questions :
why dint you dye it black ?
~ i did , i think i put too less or the time is too short ?
when did the teacher catch you?
~ yesterday during my from teacher interaction [ft] , she warned me about it

so i'm now at home blogging and listening to fireflies by owlcity
going out at around 11 or 2plus perharps ?
for lunch i think ?

ha? gary just called me , his on the way to my house o_o
cause i'm accompany him to go to chong pang for his hair cut ?
he got send home too , haha thats funny .
he tried to hide his hair yet he still got caught !
LOL !

okay thats the post for today , i might update it later if i could.

:D

i hate cellphone - _ -

2010-01-05T16:42:00.002+08:00

my cell phone bill got up to $100~2xx
now mum is nagging me like f*ck, soon it will be dad's turn once he reach home from work.
Just confiscate my dam phone dammit, if you dont want to waste your money on my dam phone bill and me !
Better still cancel my f*cking phone contract or just shut up !
pfft ! i hate naggers , stupid cellphone bill!
stupid hands , stupid mouth caused phone bill go ke ba boom!
which make me kind of fustrating when they nags cause of stupid things like a
phone bill.
i know the amount is alot but damn !
shut the f*ck up about the bills , there you are talking about it not know how i'm feeling right here helpless cant do anything just sitting waiting for you to nag finish !
dont you know ?
that i really want to help but i just cant !
due to my age limit for finding works, every works requirement changed now must 16 and i'm yet 15 !
if now i'm already working now you can stop hadling my bills i will handle it with my own pay !
stupid age limit change , now i cant even work !
hate hate hate hate hate !!
f*ck , feeling so angry right now !
just wish that they could f*cking cancel the phone line then *poof*
all problem solved .
but for them its just hell , they can contact me so i can roam around anywhere i want without feeling any pressure from them .
like always nagging me on phone asking when will i reach home and bla bla bla ~
in fact i kinda feel peaceful without a cellphone but the disadvantage is that i cant contact my friends where and when i want.
oh crap ! i'm confused !
but i prefer canceling the cellphone's contract so no one would ever nag at me for such a dumb thing over a dam freaking cell phone !

2010 - 1st post of the day !

2010-01-05T14:50:00.002+08:00

deleted all my previous post .
starting of with a new post as you can see :D
school started already and its kind of quite busy for me.
due to the fact of the daily homework but the good things is that i dont even have any homework now.
that should explain why i have the time to blog :D
i will update more if i got the time.
off to cookinq :D